animalstalkinginallcaps:

I CAN BARELY KEEP MY EYES OPEN. SOMETIMES I THINK MY SICK DANCE MOVES AND DEVASTATING ONE-LINERS WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME.

ROUGH NIGHT AT THE CLUB?

EVERY NIGHT. I’M LIKE THE UNHOLY LOVE CHILD OF USHER AND BILL HICKS.

I UPDATED ALL MY SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES AND WROTE 42 PAGES OF STEAMY FANFICTION SO I’M FAIRLY TUCKERED OUT MYSELF.

YOU WANT TO JUST ORDER IN AND WATCH FASSBENDER’S PENIS?

DO YOU MEAN SHAME STARRING MICHAEL FASSBENDER?

THAT’S WHAT I SAID.